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Sunday, 06 December 2009

  • Semi

    KD's semiformal was tonight.  IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! 

    First, we had Lindsay's going away party.  We papered our living room wall with neon colored copy paper and let people sign it.  IT LOOKS AWESOME!  We had everyone come over and eat food and hang out.

    Then, because Chelsea's Big was being a goof, we all (me, Chelsea, Lindsay, April, and Tyler) went to Red Lobster.

    Then Lindsay did my hair and makeup.  Oh goodness I looked so gorgeous.  Ben came over while they were still working on my hair and signed our wall and hung out.  Then my Big came over too.  It was sufficently awkward.  She doesn't like him, does this weird baby talk thing, and is always hugging on me.  I am so thankful that she loves me that much, but I need to not have to go through the exhausting and cutesy weird motions, etc.

    The two of them got along pretty well the whole evening.  She called him "date" once and he got pretty ruffled about it, but we were able to quickly defuse the situation.  I think that he had fun.  I hope he did.  I hope that things don't become awful between us.

    I wonder what next semester will hold.  No honors!  I'll never see Ben.  I'll never see most of my friends, actually.  I suppose I'll make new friends.  IDK.  I don't want to lose these people.

    Jesus, thank you for tonight.  Please don't let these friendships fade.  I pray that you will guard next semester and make it into what you want it to be.  I pray that you will help me guard these friendships that I have made and help us to grow into what you would have us to be.

Monday, 12 October 2009

  • It's interesting to read my past blogs.

    I've spent the last eight weeks at college five and a half hours from my home.  And I've changed.  I honestly didn't expect to change that much, but living on your own will do that to you. 

    Par exemple, I hadn't thought about boys for nearly the entire time I've been here.  Tonight is different, for reasons I will disclose later.

    Top Four Ways I Have Changed:

    1.  Cleanliness:  All of a sudden, I've had a HUGE obsession with everything being neat.  I can't stand it if my dorm is messy.  I think it's because it's such a small space so it gets cluttered really easily.  Also, if I don't clean, noone else will.  My momma's not here.

    2.  Fitness:  I'm much more healthy here at college.  I'm not a fitness enthusiast, really, I just don't buy unhealthy stuff so much.  And since I don't keep the unhealthy stuff in my room, I don't eat it so much.  I also don't eat as much food because I have to buy it myself and I simply can't afford it.

    3.  Sleep:  I require much less sleep than I used to.  I often run on less than six hours of sleep and am just fine.  I remember going to bed at 11:00 and still being tired.  Except when I got the flu, I haven't been to bed earlier than midnight since I got here.

    4.  Green:  I'm pretty into saving the environment.  Not a crazy amount, but a little.  I recycle, I think about ways to reduce my carbon footprint, I use reusable shopping bags (hello run on sentence!).  I've been inspired by one Hank Green, an environmentalist and Vlog Brother.

    Ok, on to boys.

    I'm a science major so I really don't have time to think about boys.  Like really.  But there is one that's caught my attention.  I haven't caught his though so it's fine.  I really, really want a man in my life, but I know that I don't need one.

    My fall break is this coming week, and I called that special someone back home.  Appearantly he doesn't think it's necessary to come home for it.  I'm pretty ticked, but to be honest I get it.  Now that I'm a college kid, I get that we don't have the money to do things, or we have tests, or we just need to hang out with our college friends.  But at the same time, I know that if role were reveresed I would do anything to be home to see him.  Anything.  So it stings.  I realize that this should be a lesson for me to care less.  In general, I care a lot more about people than they care about me.  I don't mean that to sound self-serving, I just mean it's true.  I would bend over backwards for my friends, whereas they won't fork out twenty bucks and drive an hour to see me.  It's painful, but it shouldn't be unexpected.

    It's always unexpected though.  Always.

     

Monday, 10 August 2009

  • Concentration.

    I can't stop thinking about him.  I texted him earlier and now I constantly stare at my phone and hope he answers.  It's stupid and I'm tired of it.

    Part of me thinks I should make a committment not to date for awhile.  Then another (probably ignorant) part of me chimes in to say that I want nothing more than to have a boyfriend that loves me and marries me.  Maybe college will hold him for me.  Maybe.

    I'm praying about it.  Maybe a commitment not to date for at least first semester is in order.  Or maybe... yeah, I don't know.  I do know that I need to get him out of my mind, though.

  • I Won't Say Goodbye.

    I'm not gonna survive this college thing.

    Today was the last Sunday with that special someone.  I made it through Sunday school.  I made it through church.  Then, he said he was leaving.  So I cried.

    It's impossible to explain to everyone else.  We're not actually dating, but given another month or two we would have been.  And he has quickly become one  of my closest friends.  And he's leaving.

    And I'm leaving.

    I know that this doesn't mean that it's all over; it just means that it's over for now.  I really wish it had worked out differently.

Saturday, 25 July 2009

  • Well maybe just a half a drink more.

    So one of my friends has decided to become an alcoholic. 

    I hate alcohol with a passion.  It sent my brother to jail.  When my dad was dying, he was trying desperately to get a pass to make it home in time.  So instead of having him here to help me and mom, I had to step up and be the man of the family. 

    And now a best friend of mine has decided that it's time for him to start drinking.  And he just messages me on facebook to tell me.  And he doesn't get why I got mad when he wouldn't tell me whether or not he was joking.  It makes me really really mad.

    It makes me feel so alone.  It used to be me and him against the world no matter what.  Now it's just me.  I don't want to feel this way, but I do.  I just don't know.

spillall

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    • Name: spillall
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 6/12/2009

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